What is dangerous and how to break out of it?

Eskimo is heated. Wear a hat until June. Go to school strictly on the same route, not daring to stay for twenty minutes with the guys in the yard. When you get a four, go straight to the teacher and ask how to fix “good” for “excellent” – you must finish the school with a medal, otherwise do not go to college!

While I was little, I honestly fulfilled all my mother’s demands. Even thoughts did not arise to do anything in their own way.

I entered the university and went to the hostel – quarrels began. Mom continued to control me even at a distance – on the mobile: she called three times a day and every call that I could not answer, regarded as a signal about what had happened to me terrible trouble. I was terribly ashamed of these calls to friends who at me – at last! – have appeared.

I got married, I left my parents even further…

What do too caring parents want?

There are thousands of situations like mine. Hyperprotection becomes an epidemic. Life, no matter how people were moaning, now full, is low birth rate. From a single and unique child, many families make such a constitutional monarch: they do not give real power, but they oblige to carry out countless rituals. A retinue of loving relatives anticipates the small desires of the baby, ignoring his true interests.

When a child grows up, he either retains a morbid dependence on the opinion of older relatives, or riots. In both cases, it is difficult for him to find his place under the sun.

That’s what hinders him (I retell briefly the points that are usually given in the textbooks on psychology):

  • fear of life – a person gets used to believe that the world around you need to defend yourself;
  • Insecurity in itself, which is especially clear when setting goals;
  • inability to interact effectively with other people.

For example, I was a frightened child for a long time, I did not understand anything in the world around: to rent a house is terrible; Go to the store, where an angry saleswoman is working – scary …

I absolutely do not know how to accept help: it seems to me that to use someone else’s attention is infinitely ashamed. Others, however, help me willingly, even I get a sincere pleasure from this.

It’s hard for me to understand my own desires, to afford something. An adult is ashamed that he dared to buy himself an ice cream – well, not laughing?

And I also had a harmful prejudice to taking care of my health. I go to work with a sore throat, unbuttoning my jacket open – I feel “right”. I drink medicine, but my whole nature is indignant: “Feh! weakling, mother’s daughter!”

The task is to get out from under the wings

Continue my story. Serious conversations with the mother did not give the effect. She was only offended that I did not really appreciate her care, and pressed on pity – they say, I’ll get sick, the old one is already going to die soon (she was quite well and was not even going to retire).

Once I stopped wasting my energy on useless attempts to change my mother’s behavior and began to change my own behavior.

I transferred phone calls to strictly regular mode – let every day, but at a certain time. Mom did it, because I began to talk with her for a long time, for 15-30 minutes. Communicating, I try to take the initiative in my hands – I tell a lot of details about the past day, without touching on really important topics for me, and most importantly – I ask many questions. Mom makes sure that I do not have to worry about me. Everyone is happy.

When I spend time with my parents, I again switch my emphasis to their concerns, keeping silent about my own. This scheme at first glance seems ignoble, but – only at first glance.

Artificially accustoming myself to show maximum interest in the problems of parents, I really became more interested in these problems. My mother began to respect me more, because she felt that her daughter’s life experience also costs something, because her daughter often gives useful advice.

It is more difficult to combat the consequences of a hyperprotection than to limit its manifestations. However, nothing beyond. The main thing is to honestly admit your weaknesses and understand how much they interfere with living.

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