Sour on parents – where does it come from and how to cope with it?
Many men and women about twenty-five or thirty (my best friends are in this group) have a tendency to complain to each other about their parents. Here, they say, I was not brought up like this, they instilled in me some complexes instead of useful habits.
What is characteristic, I usually hear such speeches from people from well-off families.
People, moms or dads who drank or slept at home not more than a couple of times a week, on the contrary strive to protect their elders. An interesting paradox, is not it?
It seems to me, it’s in the very warehouse of human nature. Man always tries to get to the level higher.
If we barely make money for cheap sausages, we want to get more and buy real meat. Will we be happy when we finally can eat meat at least every day? Yes, but not for long. We want to be served it ready in a good cafe. As in a fairy tale about a goldfish: first the limit of the old woman’s desires is a new trough, and then she already considers herself a worthy candidate for the sea masters.
Minimal communication with parents is necessary for children; kids in orphanages are always ready to adore distant mothers, no matter how antisocial they are. A child who sees little care, gets used to enjoying each of her crumbs. Boys and girls with satisfied basic needs are growing much more demanding.
It is not necessary to consider aspiration to the best as such a harmful whim. It, on the one hand, prevents us from enjoying life, on the other – it makes us grow. Great scientific discoveries and the best works of art – again a consequence of the eternal dissatisfaction of man with the current state of things.
How to stop sulking at mom and dad?
Discard emotions and think. Most likely, there are thousands of families like yours. Your other peers received from dads and moms no more useful qualities than you.
No one taught our fathers and mothers the right way to raise children. They made you when they were just as inexperienced in terms of methods of education, as you are at twenty with a penny of years. Their parents have not even been reading smart books about the development of a person from a diaper. They simply had no time to think through the tactics and strategy of behavior with the precious child.
Try to understand honestly, but do not you make from the older generation of your family convenient scapegoats? To say that a bad character is an irreparable result of a difficult childhood is much easier than to try to change yourself in any way.
The character is formed and transformed throughout the life course of a person. People who are capable of self-education usually achieve much more success in life, the more passive their “antagonists”.
As for practical advice… Take your child and / or temporarily move to a completely independent residence in another city. Will help for sure.
It’s bitter to say such things, but one day your attitude to your parents will be changed by sad circumstances. Parents sometimes begin to be seriously ill.
When my mom was taken to the hospital with a severe exacerbation of a dangerous illness, I somehow immediately ceased to be angry with her for the notorious hyperprotection that even seemed to me pleasant. Which of the seven billion earthlings do not give a damn, do I wear a hat in March? Only my mother…