We do not exist outside the body. “Everything that happens in our minds is a reflection of what is happening in our body,” said the American psychotherapist, creator of bioenergetics Alexander Lowen. “It is impossible to treat ailments of the body without paying attention to the patient’s state of mind, and it is impossible to treat mental illnesses without considering the physical condition.”

The 50-year-old patient had to go to the doctors: she had attacks of suffocation. She was diagnosed with emphysema and recommended surgical treatment. And at a reception with a body-oriented psychotherapist, she made an amazing discovery. It turned out that the seizures were related to an event that happened many years ago: trying to hide the pregnancy, her mother wore a tight corset. “During psychotherapy, we can return to the painful events and experiences of even the pre-natal period of our life, mourn them and, thanks to tears, get rid of the disease,” explains the therapist Miriam Brouss. Recognized by some, criticized by others, body-oriented psychotherapy puts forward a thesis that everyone agrees: our body can tell a deeply personal story.

Is it psychosomatic?

This sonorous term is becoming more popular. “Psychosomatics” some of us tend to explain literally everything – from headaches to serious diseases. But what does this word really mean? Transformation of psychological conflict into physical symptoms or a disease caused by a variety of reasons, among which the leading role is played by emotional factors? “It’s about an internal mental conflict,” says the body-oriented psychotherapist Mark Sandomirsky. “There can be many external causes, but the only internal one is always their common link.” Transformation of internal conflict into bodily symptoms can occur in two ways, explains the therapist. In the first case, the unconscious directly “expresses” through bodily manifestations (psychosomatic symptoms). “For example, a person” cannot see it “- and his vision falls, or he” cannot hear it “- and then the hearing goes down… – continues Mark Sandomirsky. – In the second case, the cause of the disease is the “frozen” emotions in the body, which then turn into destructive force, causing illness. Until recently, it was thought that such diseases are not so many hypertension, asthma, diabetes, hyperthyroidism, stomach ulcer, allergy … But it is now clear that psychosomatic factors are involved in the course of most diseases. At the same time, there are “more psychosomatic” diseases – we have already mentioned them above, and “less psychosomatic”, associated with organic changes in organs and tissues. But even in this case, psychosomatics still affects how the disease will develop.” You can dig deeper into psychosomatics here: https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~jfkihlstrom/ConsciousnessWeb/MindBody/MindtoBody.htm

Charcot, Freud and others

The term “psychosomatics” (from the Greek “psycho” (ψυχη) – the soul and “soma” (σπμα) – the body) was introduced in the XIX century by the German psychiatrist Johann Christian August Heinroth, who first noticed the influence of the state of mind on the current disease. A little later, studying the hysteria, Jean-Martin Charcot and Sigmund Freud determined that psychological conflicts strongly affect the condition of the body and, in order to cure bodily diseases, we must first unravel the conflicts of the psyche with words. Later, in the twentieth century, psychoanalysts Georg Groddeck and Sandor Ferenczi, as well as Franz Alexander and Pierre Marty, contributed to the development of ideas about psychosomatics.

What does the body remember?

The less we are aware of stress or some sad event, the more they impact the body. The memory of the event remains in the body and is expressed through physical symptoms. This is what is called somatization. If a person has not reworked the event, but only hid it from himself, ousted, “forgot” – the unconscious will remind him of this with the help of bodily symptoms. It does this so that we consciously change attitudes to what happened, make the necessary conclusions for ourselves, stop deceiving ourselves. If the problem is transformed into a conflict or a deadlock situation, a psychosomatic pathology arises – from harmless to very serious. The more we focus on a difficult event (divorce, loss, dismissal …), the worse our body feels. The explanation of this mechanism must be sought in the past. Today we know how important attachment biology is. The quality of our adult relationships depends on the quality of the first emotional and physical connections. That is why we can state that the first experience determines our future life. A strong emotional impact, unperceived or unaccepted, can cause anxiety, depression and lead to serious illnesses. ” Mark Sandomirsky is of the same opinion. “The way relations develop in adulthood, undoubtedly, depends on the early childhood experience. This is also imposed by the so-called scenario: the program of imitation of the parent (his sex), the choice of a life partner (similar or polar opposite to the parent of the opposite sex). It is the unconscious adherence to the scenario laid down in the childhood that often spoils the life of an adult.”

Nevertheless, it is not necessary to talk about predetermination. Much depends on how we cope with our own emotions, what our environment, heredity … It is the combination of these reasons that can explain why different people, when faced with the same unpleasant event, react differently. “Our opportunities are highly dependent on our emotional state and our desires,” concludes Mark Sandomirsky. “The more we want to overcome the circumstances of the past, the more likely we will succeed – and we will emerge from difficult situations or illness. Equally true and the reverse: if the unconscious wants to get sick – it will necessarily “find” the disease or will create it.”

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Everyone whose close relative, family member suddenly changed, became another person, it is not easy to accept this change. In many, the first reaction is denial, which manifests itself in reproaches, harsh demands and irritation, followed by fear, misunderstanding. And the patient himself and his family do not recognize the changes for a long time. A person can suffer from the disease for several months and even years before turning to specialists. The first manifestations of mental illness occur sometimes in adolescence and remain unnoticed. Symptoms of depression refer to melancholia, anxiety – to shyness, a disorder of thinking to the philosophical frame of mind, behavioral disorders are explained by a complex character.

How to learn the disease?

Mental disorder is a general concept for various disorders of the psyche and behavior. Among them – an anxiety disorder (they get sick every fourth), depression (every eighth). Schizophrenia is diagnosed in one out of a hundred people. Each specific mental disorder is accompanied by a violation of the key function of the psyche and the characteristic behavior, to which the first to pay attention near and surrounding. Some examples.

Disorders of cognitive functions (the most common is dementia, age-related dementia): a marked decrease in memory and other cognitive abilities, such as counting, understanding, judgment, concentration, until they are partially or completely lost. A person forgets names, can not remember details from the past, but also is not able to learn new information. He loses the ability to rational and critical thinking, cannot plan and comprehend his actions.

Mood disorders (the most common is depression): decreased mood, loss of interest and excessive fatigue, accompanied by a sense of guilt, lack of motivation, sleep and appetite disorders. Or, on the contrary, mania is an excessively elevated or irritable mood, with a decreased need for sleep and food. A person is too talkative, easily distracted, makes rash, risky acts. Mood disorders include anxiety, fear, and neurosis. They are expressed in sudden, causeless (panic) or, conversely, caused by a specific factor (metro, height) attacks of fear. At such times, breathing becomes difficult, heart palpitations increase, dizziness, feeling of loss of control over the situation. There can also be constant and excessive anxiety for a variety of reasons.

Disorders of consciousness (the most characteristic is delirium): confused consciousness, disorientation, overexcitation, hallucinations, delirium. As a rule, it becomes aggravated in the evening. The most common causes are diseases of the central nervous system, complications of somatic disorders, alcohol and drug intoxication and abuse. The so-called “white fever” just refers to the latter.

Disorders of thinking and perception (the most characteristic is schizophrenia): crazy ideas in the form of megalomania or persecution, illogical, fixated, extremely lean thinking, fast, incomprehensible speech. Obsessive thoughts, such as fear of contamination, infection, fear of harming yourself or others. Obsessions are often accompanied by compulsive actions or rituals, such as frequent washing of hands, bringing things to order. Visual, auditory, less often olfactory or tactile hallucinations. Illusory experiences.

Behavioral disorders (most of them first appear in childhood or adolescence): hyperactivity, social isolation, aggression, suicidal attempts. Almost all personality disorders, for example, dissocial, paranoid, emotionally unstable, are accompanied by a violation of behavior.

However, sharp mood swings, strange emotional reactions and physiological manifestations do not in themselves speak of illness. Our psyche is designed in such a way that emotions, feelings and behavior are vulnerable to various factors. They can change at a time when the body adapts to a stressful situation. Also pass, when the person with it consults.

What is the disease from short-term stress?

1. Duration of the changes. Every mental disorder has its own duration: symptoms of depression should be observed for at least two weeks, panic disorder and schizophrenia – a month, post-traumatic stress disorder can be diagnosed within a few days.
2. The constancy of symptoms is one of the main criteria. Symptoms should be manifested every day or with high frequency.
3. Serious deterioration of legal capacity and quality of life. If changes interfere with a person’s social contacts, limit his physical activity, reduce his standard of living, cause suffering – this is certainly an excuse to call a doctor.
4. A set of specific symptoms is the most important criterion. Only a psychiatrist can determine it.

How much is it serious?

Even with an obvious clinical picture, close patients try to convince themselves that it will pass and you just need to pull yourself together. Patients who do not understand or do not know what is happening to them, slopes to hide their emotional problems, so as not to burden others or avoid unpleasant and, it seems to them, unnecessary conversations. In fact, with mental disorders in the human brain, there are stable and sometimes irreversible changes: those structures and those neurochemical systems that are responsible for the regulation of mood, emotions, thinking, perception and behavioral stereotypes are violated. That is, changes in the state of mind and behavior are biologically determined. In this sense, any psychiatric disorder is in no way easier than a physical illness, such as, for example, hypertension or diabetes. And to count on the fact that “everything itself will resolve”, unfortunately, it is not necessary. The longer the course of the disease, the less help the patient receives, the more serious and extensive the disturbances in his brain. The risk of recurrence of depression after the first depressive episode is 50%, after the second – already 70%, after the third – 90%. However, each new episode reduces the chance of recovery.

What to do?

Realize that the correct diagnosis can only be made by a doctor, a psychiatrist. And it is better to dispel doubts from a specialist than to start a disease.

To act in the interests of life and health of a loved one and those around him. You can expect that the patient himself is unlikely to want to see a doctor. Legally, no one has the right to demand from him to seek help and receive treatment. But there are such conditions, for example acute psychosis, which still require inpatient treatment. In the event that a person close to you poses a danger to yourself or others, nevertheless it is necessary to call a psychiatric emergency team: it may save the family from tragic consequences.

Search for a good specialist. Many of us still have very strong fear of psychiatric hospitals and dispensaries, many are afraid to get out of there in an even worse state. But in addition to neuropsychiatric dispensaries, there are offices of neuroses at district clinics where people with anxious and depressive disorders are treated much more willingly. It is appropriate to ask the attending physician about his actions, plans and duration of treatment, about therapeutic and side effects. The only reason that the attending physician cannot provide exhaustive information on treatment is his non-professionalism. In search of a good doctor, you can take note of recommendations on forums and other online resources. But the priority should not be feedback, but a greater experience of a specialist in a specific psychiatric disorder. Of course, good psychiatrists feel confident and competent in any field of psychiatry, but in practice they prefer to engage in only a limited range of disorders. Scientific works, thematic publications, research, academic position along with clinical practice – all this is also a sure sign of professionalism.

Unfortunately, most of those who suffer from psychiatric disorders have lifelong treatment. But, realizing this, it is important to understand something else: support of relatives, sensitive attitude improves their condition. And the patients themselves will need more effort to learn to live in harmony with themselves than it was before the illness. But this, perhaps, is the call of the soul, to which one must be able to listen.

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The right way to feel it is to do what you love.

Why cannot I find a few minutes and spend them in fun?

Family people easily get used to hyperactivity. They know that the salary from the sky will not be poured and the socks do not wash themselves, that’s what they try to do in a day as much as possible. I myself am.

Remember:

All cases cannot be remade.

I heard this wisdom from a woman who is twice my age, from an elderly nurse who made me massage at a sanatorium. She said that in her youth she was constantly in a hurry and fussed, and then suddenly realized: the endless everyday turmoil will take exactly as long as you give it to her.

The person chooses himself: he can move on clean and lick the apartment every night, turning his life into a fight with dust, and can allocate at least one evening a week to a sweetheart infatuation.

You object: “But some cases cannot be canceled! We cannot help the child with the lessons, we must bring the products to elderly parents…”

Here I turn not to worldly wisdom, but to the authority of Stephen Covey. I will not say that everything in my teaching about personal effectiveness admires absolutely everything, but under his arguments on the topic of delegation of leadership I will sign with pleasure.

Delegation of the manual on Covi – tightly organized transfer of duties. Your son is quite capable of taking products to a retired grandmother and telling her the paragraph that you need to learn for control. In the meantime, you will be engaged in needlework. But you should not submit this idea to relatives in the format of an ultimatum. They are unlikely to like that their time is disposed of without their participation.

Stephen Covey writes:

Many people – manufacturers inherent paradigm of delegation of performance. They do not know how to organize delegation in such a way that the other person assumes responsibility for achieving the results. They focus on the methods of execution, therefore responsibility for the result rests with them. But how much work can be done this way? And how many people can be managed, given the need to monitor their every move?

No one knows your loved ones as well as you know them. Choose the powers that will be under the power of relatives, then think in the spirit of wines. Do not settle for the easiest way – to pay the child ice cream, and a compassionate mother to convince by whining.

Approximately the same scheme is applicable to the work – if, of course, you are not a sole proprietor, depriving yourself of even the services of a secretary from the economy.

Deeply delve into the theory of delegation, I now will not – better read the original.

On my own I’ll add that finding a time for a hobby will help a clear regime of the day. Set yourself a rule to regularly release for a favorite occupation a certain period of time – for example, Sunday from 15:00 to 20:00. Focusing on a specific time, getting rid of the routine is much easier. You yourself will notice that you are more likely to cope with the hassle in anticipation of a reward – a good, meaningful holiday.

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What is characteristic, I usually hear such speeches from people from well-off families.

People, moms or dads who drank or slept at home not more than a couple of times a week, on the contrary strive to protect their elders. An interesting paradox, is not it?

It seems to me, it’s in the very warehouse of human nature. Man always tries to get to the level higher.

If we barely make money for cheap sausages, we want to get more and buy real meat. Will we be happy when we finally can eat meat at least every day? Yes, but not for long. We want to be served it ready in a good cafe. As in a fairy tale about a goldfish: first the limit of the old woman’s desires is a new trough, and then she already considers herself a worthy candidate for the sea masters.

Minimal communication with parents is necessary for children; kids in orphanages are always ready to adore distant mothers, no matter how antisocial they are. A child who sees little care, gets used to enjoying each of her crumbs. Boys and girls with satisfied basic needs are growing much more demanding.

It is not necessary to consider aspiration to the best as such a harmful whim. It, on the one hand, prevents us from enjoying life, on the other – it makes us grow. Great scientific discoveries and the best works of art – again a consequence of the eternal dissatisfaction of man with the current state of things.

How to stop sulking at mom and dad?

Discard emotions and think. Most likely, there are thousands of families like yours. Your other peers received from dads and moms no more useful qualities than you.

No one taught our fathers and mothers the right way to raise children. They made you when they were just as inexperienced in terms of methods of education, as you are at twenty with a penny of years. Their parents have not even been reading smart books about the development of a person from a diaper. They simply had no time to think through the tactics and strategy of behavior with the precious child.

Try to understand honestly, but do not you make from the older generation of your family convenient scapegoats? To say that a bad character is an irreparable result of a difficult childhood is much easier than to try to change yourself in any way.

The character is formed and transformed throughout the life course of a person. People who are capable of self-education usually achieve much more success in life, the more passive their “antagonists”.

As for practical advice… Take your child and / or temporarily move to a completely independent residence in another city. Will help for sure.

It’s bitter to say such things, but one day your attitude to your parents will be changed by sad circumstances. Parents sometimes begin to be seriously ill.

When my mom was taken to the hospital with a severe exacerbation of a dangerous illness, I somehow immediately ceased to be angry with her for the notorious hyperprotection that even seemed to me pleasant. Which of the seven billion earthlings do not give a damn, do I wear a hat in March? Only my mother…

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We were little concerned with the fact that the concept, strictly speaking, has a wider and less beautiful meaning.

By this means a common defense mechanism – switching from one problem (unsolvable or supposedly unresolved) to another, relatively easy. According to Freud’s precepts, one should only talk about redirecting the energy of sexual attraction, but in modern psychology the phenomenon is often viewed from a more universal point of view.

Is sublimation effective?

Picking a puzzle on your teeth, we are looking for compensation. A serious failure recedes into the background, success in an easy matter allows you to regain self-esteem.

Sometimes such a consolation is even useful – at least in the already given example with the substitution of love for verses. Well, there was an undivided feeling. Forcibly you will not be lovable; better to do graphomania than to drink.

Another case of constructive sublimation is the passionate striving of a sick person to be realized in the main business of life, accepting as a given the refusal of some pleasant opportunities for life. For example, psychologist Erik Erikson made valuable scientific discoveries not so much in spite of paralysis, but thanks to him.

Unfortunately, switching more often brings harm: we will reorient ourselves from the really important goals for us to simulate an ebullient activity in a completely alien sphere or we waste ourselves on cares of microscopic scales.

The person is reasonable

Perhaps I’m leaving psychoanalysis in an overly remote steppe, but I think that sublimation is a complex form of biased activity. The latter applies to animals and humans:

Dislocated activity is always some familiar actions that are good in another situation, but hardly appropriate in this one. Most often, impulsive eating behavior occurs (the anxious animal begins to seek or consume food and drink without being hungry at all), various forms of autogruming (that is, caring for one’s own body: birds clean feathers, rats wash their faces, people twist their hair or gnaw their nails) construction of a nest (birds simply collect twigs, and a person can, for example, start wiping an already clean table), and some birds, for example sandpipers, are threatened with aggression from their comrades simply fall asleep.

The phenomenon of inappropriate activity is interesting, because it is experimentally confirmed by biologists.

Knowing that the inclination to behave stupidly in an uncomfortable situation is all of us by nature, it’s somehow quieter to live: do not consider yourself a hopeless mess when every attempt to evade difficulties.

However, since we are beings of a slightly higher order than the wader, let’s think more often about whether we are wisely spending our time and energy.

And yet – we will try not to abandon the next step in the path of self-development with the appearance of the first obstacle.

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It is difficult for a typical owner of this temperament to live. And how difficult it is to live with him…

Description in paints

I guess that the article will be read either by the melancholy themselves or by their close ones. And – please: react adequately when any moments seem insulting to you. It will not be about the character, not about the abilities, but only about the corrected properties of the psyche, which, incidentally, are extremely rare in the pure form.

Temperament is the biological foundation of the personality, which is determined by the type of higher nervous activity – a stable relationship of strength, balance and mobility of the processes of excitation / inhibition.

The melancholic type of GNI:

• weak;
• unbalanced;
• little excitable.

Such a person “does not respond to anything at all, but when he responds, he experiences strongly, although he does not express his feelings a little.” In a stressful situation, he is lost, made passive (or, on the contrary, commits an irrational act).

Since the intense influence of external stimuli knocks the melancholic out of the rout, it usually develops a tendency to introvert.

Symptoms of melancholia

The bearer of temperament is given the following features:

• an obvious desire to maintain a distance between themselves and the interlocutor;
• a low voice – right up to the whisper;
• scant facial expressions;
• poor gesticulation.

He does not wave his hands, sharing an interesting idea. His movements are more likely from the category of grooming – without much need to adjust his clothes, wind a bang on his finger …

Here is an expressive portrait of a melancholic student:

At the lessons he is calm, he always sits in the same position, he does something in his hands. Very reserved in the expression of feelings. Having received the “deuce”, not having changed at all in the person, goes to the place, but at home, according to the parents, for a long time cannot calm down, unable to get to work. Responds uncertainly, stammering, even if carefully prepared.

He slowly “thaws” even in a situation that evokes pleasant emotions. The class was brought to the circus. At first the boy sat with a motionless face and only after a few minutes began to smile, talk with other guys.

An adult melancholic reacts less sharply to the new situation, but he treats changes with caution and does not initiate them: “Moving to a new house, he does not even know who lives on his staircase in a year.”

Positive and negative features

These people:

• the original proposals from outside and their own bold ideas are too critical;
• limit themselves in communication, acquiring the reputation of a homebody;
• Wasting for self-pity and self-flagellation;
• painfully react to comments (for them the remark is the first bell about a hypothetical conflict and an unasked topic for painful reflection);
• quickly become tired and lose enthusiasm if something goes wrong;
• They lower their hands too early for difficulties too early.

However, they have undeniable advantages. Spending a lot of time in the inner world and constantly analyzing their own experience, the melancholy grows as a person.

Persons with this temperament are often people of honor, conscience and devoted friends.

The desire for solitude also has the opposite side. Melancholics are self-taught. Well-known psychologists emphasize that people of such a temper have good chances to learn the language individually.

Nothing disturbed melancholically concentrated and productive work. The authorities are not afraid to rely on him: he will fulfill the obligations assumed, if not out of a sense of responsibility, then out of fear of reproach.

Where can such a person be realized?

With a weak type of GNI, he finds himself in a creative or intellectual work that does not involve publicity.

He will make an excellent homework.

Advice for a leader who has a melancholic state: allow such a specialist to work as autonomously as real.

Here is a story from my recent past. I worked on an ongoing basis with one editorial staff. The office was cramped, and I wrote the texts at home – she negotiated the interview herself, watched the deadlines, she sent the finished materials by e-mail, and she saw her boss and colleagues only on a weekly plan. They were delighted with me, and I – from them to a strictly certain point: the newspaper’s advertisers had a job and the head decided to pull up additional forces to help them. I was ultimately asked to work a week in the office – to call potential advertisers.

I will never forget five days of this nightmare: in the half-meter from me all day other people sit – they are not in the spirit because of the premium covered with a copper pelvis and they constantly pinch each other; I have to make ten or twenty calls even more strangers before lunch and as many after; at least a third of subscribers are determined to send me a forest … Rush hour passed. Everything returned to normal. But there was hardly a suitable occasion – I quit.

Sanguine or phlegmatic, my story will seem childish babble. Other melancholic people will understand.

Difficulties of relationships in the family

According to researchers, the greatest satisfaction with marriage is in a couple where the husband is a sanguine person, and the wife is a melancholic: partners complement each other, conflictlessly distribute roles. The most difficult case is the union of a melancholic with a choleric:

Both spouses are unrestrained in their behavior and statements, but at the same time, both are easily vulnerable and are seriously affected by any situation in which their self-esteem is hurt.

Thunder and lightning cease, if the power of the choleric turns into the desire to patronize a loved one.

Relations with a phlegmatic person in a melancholic temperament are normal, but they often lack warmth and mutual help.

Do not take these observations of psychologists as a fan of astrology – a fresh horoscope. The decisive role in the long run is the desire of the spouses to understand and accept each other.

To accept a melancholic means:

• to discuss problematic topics without noise: even an elevated voice slightly drives him into a stupor;
• do not make fun of him;
• give him enough time to think about important decisions;
• with all his might to avoid disrupting the overall plans.

He will respond with a serious attitude to the cares of a loved one, willingness to listen and support.

Famous melancholics

As I said, temperament is not a measure of abilities. The path to success is open to melancholy. Under certain circumstances, hypersensitivity even helps them. Take, for example, Pyotr Tchaikovsky.

The great composer was extremely injured – it was not for nothing that governess Fanny Durbach called it “glass.” In one of the letters Tchaikovsky says: imagine, he was admiring the magic quiet evening from the deck of the ship and suddenly a child got noisy. I went to my cabin. The whole night I cried.

It’s ridiculous. But could a less sensitive person write piercingly subtle music for “Swan Lake”? I doubt it.

Call someone not from the realm of art? Kindly: Rene Descartes, Charles Darwin.

Bill Gates, at last – the richest person of a planet in the periods with 1996 for 2007 and with 2009 for 2016 under version Forbes.

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While I was little, I honestly fulfilled all my mother’s demands. Even thoughts did not arise to do anything in their own way.

I entered the university and went to the hostel – quarrels began. Mom continued to control me even at a distance – on the mobile: she called three times a day and every call that I could not answer, regarded as a signal about what had happened to me terrible trouble. I was terribly ashamed of these calls to friends who at me – at last! – have appeared.

I got married, I left my parents even further…

What do too caring parents want?

There are thousands of situations like mine. Hyperprotection becomes an epidemic. Life, no matter how people were moaning, now full, is low birth rate. From a single and unique child, many families make such a constitutional monarch: they do not give real power, but they oblige to carry out countless rituals. A retinue of loving relatives anticipates the small desires of the baby, ignoring his true interests.

When a child grows up, he either retains a morbid dependence on the opinion of older relatives, or riots. In both cases, it is difficult for him to find his place under the sun.

That’s what hinders him (I retell briefly the points that are usually given in the textbooks on psychology):

• fear of life – a person gets used to believe that the world around you need to defend yourself;
• Insecurity in itself, which is especially clear when setting goals;
• inability to interact effectively with other people.

For example, I was a frightened child for a long time, I did not understand anything in the world around: to rent a house is terrible; Go to the store, where an angry saleswoman is working – scary …

I absolutely do not know how to accept help: it seems to me that to use someone else’s attention is infinitely ashamed. Others, however, help me willingly, even I get a sincere pleasure from this.

It’s hard for me to understand my own desires, to afford something. An adult is ashamed that he dared to buy himself an ice cream – well, not laughing?

And I also had a harmful prejudice to taking care of my health. I go to work with a sore throat, unbuttoning my jacket open – I feel “right”. I drink medicine, but my whole nature is indignant: “Feh! weakling, mother’s daughter!”

The task is to get out from under the wings

Continue my story. Serious conversations with the mother did not give the effect. She was only offended that I did not really appreciate her care, and pressed on pity – they say, I’ll get sick, the old one is already going to die soon (she was quite well and was not even going to retire).

Once I stopped wasting my energy on useless attempts to change my mother’s behavior and began to change my own behavior.

I transferred phone calls to strictly regular mode – let every day, but at a certain time. Mom did it, because I began to talk with her for a long time, for 15-30 minutes. Communicating, I try to take the initiative in my hands – I tell a lot of details about the past day, without touching on really important topics for me, and most importantly – I ask many questions. Mom makes sure that I do not have to worry about me. Everyone is happy.

When I spend time with my parents, I again switch my emphasis to their concerns, keeping silent about my own. This scheme at first glance seems ignoble, but – only at first glance.

Artificially accustoming myself to show maximum interest in the problems of parents, I really became more interested in these problems. My mother began to respect me more, because she felt that her daughter’s life experience also costs something, because her daughter often gives useful advice.

It is more difficult to combat the consequences of a hyperprotection than to limit its manifestations. However, nothing beyond. The main thing is to honestly admit your weaknesses and understand how much they interfere with living.

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Secrets of the description are known to everyone, only someone uses the first, someone second. And they are not secrets at all. Just a few people could collect them in one. Why so mysterious and difficult? Now you will understand everything. A person is endowed with six senses, each of which conveys information to us. And now let’s talk the other way, we’ll deliver our information to the reader.

1st secret – visual perception

Describing the picture, we see objects, actions, phenomena. Writing a yellow sun, green grass doubt that this will bring you five. And imagine what you are saying about what a blind person saw. Let’s try. The sun can be really yellow, but covered with a white cloud that looks like a sail. The grass can also be green, but it is not all the same. It can grow various flowers, for example, dandelions. So also dandelions can be in different stages of maturation: yellow, fluffy, half bald blown away by the wind.

2nd secret – by ear

Here everything is very simple. Imagine yourself inside the picture and describe what you hear. The wind, the swaying of the crown of trees, the chirping of crickets in the night, the loud cries of the guys playing in the yard, the barking of a dog, the clatter of hooves, the crunch of freshly fallen snow. You can even hear the silence, the opening of a rosebud.

3rd secret “delicious”

Or, in other words, what our language can feel. The principle is the same. We dive into the events of the picture and try everything on the tooth. Juicy sweet peaches. Green, still unripe apples. Buried an overripe watermelon.

4th secret – sense of smell

It’s smells. The smell of pine needles in the forest, the aroma of a bouquet of wildflowers, the sweet smell of melons, the notes of fresh morning dew. Or on the contrary unpleasant smells: putrid odor of the swamp, smell of dirty clothes.

5th secret – touch

Let’s try to touch everything that we describe. Here you can go for a walk in full. The river is cold, the leaves are wet, the smooth ice slide, fluffy snow, a warm grandmother’s plaid, a spiky woolen sweater.

6th secret – intuition

But for our purpose we will use it as a secret of assumptions and reasoning. It’s a bit more complicated, but more exciting. Any object is either the end of the artist’s idea (the artists are you or me) or the beginning of new events that have not yet happened. Let’s imagine all the famous picture “Again the deuce”. Most likely it is an apartment in the city, because in the villages the dogs do not wear collars and live on the street. The boy has skates in his briefcase, which means that he has a bad deuce because he went wild and did not have time to learn the lessons. From the faces of my sister and mother, they are very upset, which means that this is not the first two. And from this suggests the conclusion that most likely the boy will be punished, and skates will have to be postponed.

Using these secrets, the student will be able to compose his sequence of writing the essay (maybe he will describe one subject on six points, or maybe vice versa, first he will write what picture is beautiful, then “tasty”, what smells like, etc.). Remember these principles can even a small child.

Now an excellent score for essay writing to him is guaranteed.

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Otherwise, the owner of this temperament risks to turn into a burdensome bother, which really could not be realized in any of the undertakings.

Characteristic external signs

Choleric has a strong unstable type of higher nervous activity with a predominance of excitation, and, therefore, displays emotion roughly – through:

• energetic movements – for example, quickly walks;
• expressive demonstrative facial expressions;
• free gestures;
• a loud voice and hasty speech.

Once in a new company, he does not sit in a dark corner, and eagerly gets acquainted.

Qualities of choleric – useful and problematic

The main positive features inherent in people with this temperament are vigor and initiative.

Choleric people have a high speed of thinking, sensory sensitivity, good intuition.

In communication, for them, there is a captivating unhappiness: they will scream, but in five minutes they will forgive.

Unfortunately, the activity of the choleric person is often wasted due to the low level of GNI. People of this kind go to the goal, while the idea turns around. When it comes to painstaking routine work, it becomes difficult for them to maintain their initial enthusiasm.

And – a lot depends on education, on the availability of the habit of leading the begun not to the end, but at least to the first results.

Education (and with it – the level of maturity) largely determines the ability of the choleric to restrain emotions.

It is well known that the highest indexes of aggressiveness are noted in choleric patients.

It would be a mistake to think that unspent energy necessarily makes such people fierce tyrants. Sometimes they, on the contrary, “become listless, apathetic, boring, picky, spiteful and boring.”

To keep in optimal shape, the choleric is desirable to create a discharge by artificial means. It is well provided by sport, in which high reactivity and excitement (various martial arts, team games) are used.

But discharging at the expense of alcohol with an unstable type of GNI is dangerous.

The relationship between the genetically determined properties of the nervous system and predisposition to alcohol dependence was studied, working with a group of patients (58 people under 35 years of age, the dependence of stage II was diagnosed in all). What do you think, what temperament did 40% of the subjects possess? That’s right, choleric. However, in the group melancholics were even more – 51%.

Areas of self-actualization

Brightness and passionarity can be revealed in business, in management activities.

According to observations of scientists, representatives of this particular temperament often become successful superiors, they easily deserve the trust of subordinates.

In the long-established collectives headed by choleric people, everyone knows: no matter how much trouble happens, you must first of all tell your leader about it. Yes, that will inevitably explode (at this point all the surrounding people are advised to “fall” so as not to be affected by “splinters”), but in a few seconds it will start thinking and finding the right solutions in parallel.

Charismatic choleric is suitable for public or creative work, focused on the public. He will be comfortable in the role of politician, TV presenter, actor, singer.

How to get along with choleric?

Such an employee “is better not to entrust long-term projects”. Let him be an ideological inspirer and a wand-help in case of force majeure.

In between brainstorming sessions, it is important not to let him get bored.

Choleric must always be loaded with useful activities, otherwise it can act as a source of interpersonal conflicts.

It is desirable to select choleric phlegmatic for mates. With a sanguine person and with himself, he will involuntarily begin to share the primacy, the melancholic will suppress.

His family life is again the easiest way to build up with partners of a phlegmatic warehouse.

Choleric usually acts as a driving force in the development of relationships – both positive and negative.

The initiative he shows must be respected. Nothing arouses him as much as the counter-indifference or the attempt of the interlocutor to get away from the solution of the common problem.

Consider that the harsh words spoken by the choleric under the influence of a momentary mood, hardly accurately reflect his true thoughts. Want to sulk – please; he will only be surprised at your resentment and will go about his business.

By the way, at the peak of enthusiasm for something such a person is able to completely forget about the basic physiological needs – your and yours. Remember for him that every living creature from time to time you need to eat and sleep, and ideally – to observe the normal regime of the day.

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Perhaps it’s time think and for you to decelerate about what this means to reside nicely — and to do this graciously with purpose that is complete. For most people, actions done daily often sort a type of routine. People that are additional, however, look for a feeling of protection within day trip and the sameness to do anything evening in. There is a you receive proficient at it, and what is usually known by also you next. This can be a thing. That is positive. Additionally, it may enable you to live-well.

To Reside Way to Work. Contemplate that to reside way to work. You do not by simply. Lying about the sofa being fully a slug reside. Not living, that is lifestyle. No, to reside means you take part in existence. You start motion, consider of objectives, art ideas to simply help implement and focus on the specified result, and plunge in. it’s not all action may instantly lead to effective conclusion of the task, job or endeavor, however, you study from all you do – actually these steps that come out to are unsuccessful of the supposed objective.

Being active is anything many people are recommended is definitely an antidote to isolation, aids stave off self-pity and melancholy, and retains us. Doing factors that is additionally the best thing for humans and frequently places us desire conversation and the friendship with people; that are different.

But think about just going right on through the movements? What goes on whenever you do not provide your complete work to a task or job? Have you been still living nicely? Or are still enjoy the incentive and you shortchanging yourself, attempting to cheat? The stark reality is that edges reduces occasionally. Whether it is deficiencies in power period, monetary or additional assets, producing stops match by waxing a product or two off occasionally is anything all of US do. That does not mean we create a routine of it.

To Reside Properly Demands more

To reside nicely, particularly when you therefore are searching back at years of exercise and arrived at the latter section of your lifetime, implies that you-go together with your mind along with your center and provide it got. Then you definitely realize that it is all of your work. Because of it additionally supports your dedication to existing existence nicely you are able to take satisfaction within this. No real matter in phase of existence you are what, instructing a zestful existence to reside includes aware purpose and exercise.

• Here are on just how to live-well some extra tips:
• Put forth.
• Maintain the current.
• Surround yourself appreciate with people you and certainly will connect nicely with.
• Fresh every day usually make an effort to discover anything.
• Eliminate yourself for the errors.
• Allow it to be a place to forget about grudges.
• Assist another person, and achieve this with no expectancy of anything in exchange.

Discover the elegance in little issues – a blossom that is fragile, the audio of one’s fun that is child’s, the view of the sundown that is amazing, one’s loved one’s contact, flavor and the fragrance of the fulfilling dinner.

• Discover what piques your attention.
• Follow your desires.
• Never give on what issues many up.
• Be completely responsible for your steps.
• Stay with ethics.
• Discover the training in errors, little or big.
• Improve you spiritual wellness through relaxation, home- reflection strolls in character.
• Convey appreciation every single day for several that you simply have.

Keep in mind that lifestyle is a lot significantly more than simple lifestyle. It may be effective, caring completely fulfilling and loving. To attain a well-existed existence, among strong wellbeing, be prepared and prepared to behave with excitement, dedication and dedication.

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